22 October 2004

Escalators are not hard, people.


I don't know whether I'll continue with this thing, or how I intend to use it if I do. But I have created it for the sole purpose of conveying the following urgent message to the world:

JUST. STEP. ON. TO. THE. FUCKING. ESCALATOR.

Now, if you are missing a leg or you suffer from severe osteoporosis or something, you're off the hook. But otherwise, this is not a difficult procedure. You do not need to stop and stare down at the emerging slats and then align your body so that it's perpendicular to each one and then carefully step forward with your body weight perfectly centered. You do not even have to break stride. Just step on the damn thing, anywhere. There is virtually no way to fuck this up. Even if your foot winds up on the groove, which is rapidly metamorphosing into an edge, I promise you you will not fall over. Repositioning yourself is an automatic process that requires no thought, coordination or effort. You cannot fail. You will not fall. Just step on.

Thank you.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey there, Mikey

How's 'The Ruse'?


-Folco

Anonymous said...

So there's a specific thing that happened on an escalator, I gather?

Anonymous said...

Yes, did you knock somebody over? Please say you knocked somebody over.

My similar gripe is of those who stop in place as soon as they get off the escalator to assess where they are going and consult maps and such, thereby asking to get run over.

(Also, please keep the blog going. I'm sure you have non-film things to talk about. Unless those things are all-things poker. Or even if it is just poker.)

-Missy

md'a said...

If it were only one idiot, I wouldn't be getting all Andy Rooney like this. It's an epidemic. Sometimes people let five or six steps go by before they feel confident that they've found the timing they're looking for.

Today I happened to see a movie at the AMC Empire 25, in nose-bleed theater #24, which requires something like five escalators to reach. Going up and going down, I deliberately stepped in the wrong place every time, actively trying to lose my footing. I couldn't do it. Those machines are foolproof.

Hey, anybody know how I can get the comments to register names instead of just Anonymous?

Timotei Centea said...

You ever notice that if you take an escalator going down, you're not actually escalating?

...

That essential tidbit being said, I must now bring this non-film-related-blog back to film by thanking Mike for the "Tropical Malady" heads-up. Groovy film.

-TC

Scott said...

Only those with Blogger accounts will have their names register since you're using the Blogger comment system. Haloscan is a viable commenting alternative if you're interested.