18 January 2009

Cannes Pledge Drive: Day One.

Okay, I may have underestimated y'all a bit. Certainly I didn't expect to get nearly halfway there in a single day. No doubt the remainder will trickle in more gradually, but still, given that I'm attempting this in the worst economic climate of our collective lifetime...jeez, I'm gonna get all weepy here. My heartfelt thanks to everyone who's contributed thus far. This is even more awesome than the time I lost my wallet (with roughly $1500 in cash inside) and my passport at Cannes and spent the entire night freaking out, then sat down in the Debussy balcony the next evening and found both of them wedged between the seats, right where they'd evidently fallen out of my pocket 24 hours earlier. (Moral: It pays to be obsessive about where you sit.)

It also occurs to me that by securing the money for Cannes so early, I may be able to find an unusually cheap flight this year—I have a history of waiting until mid-April to buy my ticket, so I'd factored like $600 for airfare into the total. If so, I'll apply the savings to roaming charges for my phone, thereby allowing me to provide immediate rating-plus-glib-one-liners via Twitter.

If Twitter Had Existed From 2002-2005:

Blissfully Yours ('02 Apichatpong): ??? Who the fuck *is* this guy? Even more mysterious than MYSTERIOUS OBJECT, plus lazy limpid penis. 7:27 AM May 16th from mobile web

Elephant ('03 Van Sant): 0. Fuck Gus Van Sant and fuck Gus Van Sant's relatives and fuck everyone Gus Van Sant has ever loved ever. 2:41 PM May 17th from mobile web

Also GERRY is awesome. 2:42 PM May 17th from mobile web

9/11 for Dummies, No, Sorry, for Complete Fucking Imbecilic Morons ('04 Moore): 40. Movie let out 10 mins. ago and they're still applauding! 12:16 PM May 17th from mobile web

Wanker print STILL not here (!!!). Press screening now postponed until next day. We are not going to see this picture until 2046 imo. 5:06 PM May 19th from mobile web

Every year I assume the McDonald's across from the Palais will be gone and every year it's still there with its Ugly American siren call. 4:44 AM May 10th from mobile web

Battle in Heaven ('05 Reygadas): 17. Jesus, what a fatally pretentious art-damaged pile of shit. Please, no more from this poseur. 12:22 PM May 15th from mobile web

@scott_tobias The final shot is awesomely enigmatic, but I really don't think Haneke hid some retarded clue in there or anything. 7:52 PM May 16th from web

Princess Raccoon ('05 Suzuki): 68(?) Words utterly fail me. 2:01 PM May 20th from mobile web


Anonymous said...

twittering (or tweeting, or whatever) is cool -- but will we also get the more substantive capsules of the cannes 02-04 era? it'd make me feel better about throwing down actual cash for this...

md'a said...

Oh, yeah, of course. I'd do that anyway, but in this case I'll be obsessed with giving as much value as I can.

msic said...

Funny stuff, bud.

Don't forget:

Where Is Madame Catherine?
Who fucking gives a shit?

Anonymous said...

You didn't like Elephant but you were suckered by After School. You must hate kids. Please don't have any. And if you already have some, please do them a favor and go out for a pack of smokes and some milk.

md'a said...

I didn't see any kids in Elephant. Just imminent victims.

(tall) Chris said...

I've been reading your site since I was a high school student in eastern WA. Glad I could help out, even a little!

Anonymous said...

Congrats on your soon to be fully-funded trip to Cannes. I was happy that I could contribute a little.